I'm in love...n scared

Enigma,

Welcome!

My apologies for posting here as a man about 2 1/2 times your age, but the board is very quiet now, and I wanted to make sure someone replied in a timely manner.

I think it's good that you're feeling cautious, and I think it's wonderful that you recognize the importance of honesty.  Many of us addicts have kept loved ones in the dark for many years, and this is incredibly destructive.  I think it's really important that we find ways to share who we are with the central people in our lives, not at the first encounter ("Hi, I'm Tim, and I'm a sex addict.") but before relationships become serious.

But beyond the question of relationships, what are you doing to work toward recovery?  You talk about praying to be strong enough to do God's will.  I have to say that I did that for about 30 years without having anything to take home and show for it.  I needed, from the outset, a couple of other things.  I needed to accept that I was an addict and that I needed help, both from my fellow addicts in 12-step fellowships and from professional counselors.  I also needed to stop looking for strength.  The first step in the 12-step program says, "We admitted that we were powerless . . ., that our lives had become unmanageable."  I think that until that admission of powerlessness becomes a deep part of who we are, we really haven't taken the first step toward recovery.

There's enormous hope.  People find freedom from addictions of all sorts every day.  But it's hard work, and scary work.  It's the hardest thing we'll ever do.  If we're doing less to get better than an addict to alcohol or cocaine would do, then we're probably not doing enough.

Coming here is great.  I hope you'll keep reading and keep working out how to find a path to freedom.  One resource I might mention is the online SLAA meetings at slaaonline.org/ and internationalslaaonline.org/.  They have some people with quite a lot of recovery, and unlike many face-to-face meetings, they have a large number of women.  I have been at meetings there where I was the only man in the room.

The rest of my standard list of links to S-fellowships and to CSAT certified counselors is

saa-recovery.org/
slaafws.org/
sa.org/
sca-recovery.org/

www.iitap.com/

Again, welcome, and again, my apologies for stepping into this forum.  I'll of course happily slip out and leave you alone if you prefer.

Tim M.

The online and Skype meetings may be a useful resource, then.  There are people there from all over the world.  One I remember was a fisherman from an island in the ocean somewhere.  My own first sponsor was a person I met at those meetings who lived half way around the world from me.

Be well.  Living someplace remote is a hardship in this business.

Tim M.

I faced some tough days but i'm still hanging on purity in every level.i finally told my aspiring boyfriend about me. Part of me was hoping to run him off. I felt so ashamed and sad that he was falling in love with someone like me. I told him i wanted to give him a chance to love someone normal. He said i was that normal girl he wants. I'm confused. I think he is just being nice to me and i have nothing to offer him.i've decided to talk to my mother and see how she will react.i hope to get some financial assistance to get some therapy.God knows i need it. Anyway i hope for the best.its been 3 months now. May God listen to our broken hearts. Amen.

Its 2 am in the morning and i'm not even drowsy.this is an excellent time for prayer,with less traffic and all. Problem is: i've lost my desire 4 spiritual nourishment. I feel a familiar awareness to run,away from growing friendships,away from life. It has not come to masturbation but i'm learning fast not to ignore my emotions.
I have this thought of,'now what?'. I feel lost. Aren't i supposed to atleast think different?
Anyway if you read this,don't just read:spare a prayer for me.i know all the right things to do like not trusting my feelings,(or lack off), praying, B.s ,etc but my body is weak.
2:30 am now,surely i can't go wrong with a psalm....