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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2010 13:32:37 GMT -7
Okay, so I have a problem. As I have stated, I have had a porn addiction that I haven't quite kicked yet (improving and almost there) and a masturbation addiction that I also haven't quite kicked . My problem lies within my struggle with porn.
My problem is that I am turned on to look at porn by looking at women, I even lust for them. I am not a lesbian. But deep in my mind, I struggle with images of women and fantasies of them. I've even had a lot of dreams involving lesbian incest, and about 95% of what I used to look up was lesbian sex or something. I can't find any advice on the internet about this type of thing. I used to think it was because I was afraid to look at images of naked men, but now I think differently. I have always had a fascination with the female body. Even when I was little, I would strip down barbie dolls and make them kiss, or something. I shy away from both men and women, now. I can't look anyone in the eye, anymore. About the only woman I feel like being within two feet of is my piano teacher. I feel so dirty and perverted.
The idea of my fantasies with women make me want to barf, and, yet, in my currupted heart, I want them. That battle going on inside of me is sickening. One time, when I was in ballet, I had the sudden urge to go over and kiss a girl who I knew.
I now feel a little better just getting that out of me. Any advice, however, or words of wisdom are greatly welcome.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2010 3:43:18 GMT -7
Pornography addiction is a sexual addiction issue.
Addicts have trained part of their brain (the limbic system) that they need the drug (i.e. drugs, sex, pornography, masturbation, etc...) for survival. This is set in motion anytime someone is bored, lonely, angry, stressed or tired, which in today's society is almost all the time. When we get into one of these states our limbic system does what it is supposed to do, help the body survive.
The first time someone views pornography they experience a rush of emotion, which helps to calm the body down. The limbic system remembers this and retains the knowledge that it calms the body down and then as the behavior is repeated, we are re-training the brain that we need pornography for survival. What we have to do now is re-train the brain and give the prefrontal cortex, (logical thinking portion of the brain) the control it is supposed to have. This takes time but does work. The brain is something that continues to change throughout our life.
It is important to recognize what stimulates the desire to look at porn so that you can logically think about it before just acting. Sometimes a bold question can help give you the additional strength you may need.
These are the questions we have clients ask themself:
The Ten Commandment Questions of Relapse Prevention
1) Will acting on this temptation bring me long-term satisfaction or instant gratification?
2) What will be the end result if I act on this temptation?
3) If I choose to act on this temptation will it make my life better or worse?
4) Do I take 100% responsibility for my own actions or do I blame others and make excuses?
5) Can the addicted part of my brain force me to act out against my will?
6) Is there a part of me that wants to walk away from this?
7) Can I choose to follow that part that wants to walk away?
8) Is there a feeling of peace that will come to me if I walk away?
9) Would I feel better about myself tomorrow if I didn’t act out today?
10) Will I honor the rational part of my brain that is encouraging me to walk away from this temptation?
One can positively direct ones mind by learning to ask the right questions.
Pornography addiction is a brain disease: hubpages.com/hub/Pornography-Addiction-is-a-Brain-Disease
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2013 6:56:14 GMT -7
I'm not at all sure if an addiction is predicated on the belief that one cannot survive without the source of his/her addiction and that breaking an addiction requires re-training one's brain.
My addictions to tobacco, alcohol and porn seemed more about wanting to persist in them because I had gotten used to them and rather enjoyed them being a part of my life. But I always knew I could survive without them -- if I made up my mind. Over the years I quit smoking, drinking and viewing porn for short periods of time. When I placed myself in situations where there was no source of the addiction, I fared quite well -- e.g. going wilderness hiking/camping where I left the smokes, booze and porn behind. I was too preoccupied with the physical demands of reaching my destination and returning safe and sound to even think about them; also because there was no way I could indulge them -- being more than 100 miles from the nearest place(s) of access/purchase. Yet once I returned to my normal environment and had the opportunity to access them, I made the choice to seek them again.
I agree that we can re-train ourselves to stop indulging. Part of that re-training should include separating ourselves from the addiction sources. I realize that we cannot all run into the woods and live as hermits; but we should be prepared to carry out a wholesale change of lifestyle that gradually moves us away from the addiction sources. That would include developing new relationships with those who don't smoke, drink, take drugs, view porn etc. Misery certainly loves company so the struggling addict needs to spend their leisure time with non-addicts-- for they set the best example to follow.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2013 7:19:46 GMT -7
Seperating our selves from the addiction is extremely important, when possible. There are a lot of people who cannot do this, that is where it is important for an individual to learn the tools necessary to manage the addiction.
It is hard to say that you seeking this because you want to or if it is subconscious that you seek it. Why would you keep doing it if it is destroying your life?
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Post by SandyJWE on Nov 6, 2013 1:18:22 GMT -7
Good question, and when we (my husband and I) were going through all the counseling on behaviors, why we do certain things and seem to be controlled by those behaviors aka addictions. It isn't that my husband wanted to "medicate" the way he was, but he had so many issues to deal with that until he dealt with them, he was in a sort of self destruction mode. God had to work on his past pains to help him break those behaviors and addictions. It was a hard process. I too have many things that I know I shouldn't do because it is harmful, but I too have to work on breaking / healing the problems and seem to drive those bad behaviors. Some can just stop and some have to work very hard to break them, and some can't do it without support and of course the Lord. Just my thoughts on it..
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2013 1:37:30 GMT -7
This is exactly the reason we need to heal the brain because that is where it is all housed, our memories from the past that are affecting us daily and we have no idea. We were counseling a young man that would always get mad at the slightest thing.
In the counseling sessions, we discovered that he had a lot of pain from his childhood. He had to learn how to deal with that pain appropriately when it came up. He learned the triggers that would set him off. He learned techniques to implement when those triggers came up. He learned how to manage the thoughts that came to him. To this day he is a lot happier and finds a lot more joy in life. He still has moments that come up and he loses his temper but now he processes it and recognizes what it was, does some searching and implements the exercises that he needs to to gain control and manage his emotions.
I hope things are going better for you.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2013 5:43:46 GMT -7
If "healing the brain" equates to renewing our minds/retraining our thoughts, then I completely agree with you. That's the very essence of Paul's teaching in Romans 12:1,2 ; Phil. 4:8,9 ; Col. 3:2 .
But ultimately, it is by the grace of God alone through faith in Jesus Christ that man finds deliverance from the bondage of sin (addictions) and gains genuine peace of mind. The healing of the whole person (body, soul, spirit) is either advanced or retarded depending on whether or not we fully and unconditionally surrender to the Lord. We must come to the place where we see ourselves helpless to effect that healing and by faith, trust Him to work it out in us. Unfortunately too many Christians (myself included) have accepted Jesus Christ as our Saviour but have been unwilling to allow Him complete control over our lives. There's a part of us that naturally wants to maintain some measure of self-control (not to be confused with "personal responsibility" which is a very different thing). Trying to remain in control is a sure prescription for failure. That stance can only work to bring us back into bondage because self-control is grounded in what self desires -- not necessarily in what God wants for us.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2013 6:27:55 GMT -7
I agree with you. Christ and his atonement are absolutely essential. We help people to implement both the clinical and spiritual healing.
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Post by SandyJWE on Nov 7, 2013 4:27:15 GMT -7
Surreyfan, I agree with you on so many things.
We are blessed everyday with wonderful women who share their stories about how God is working in their lives. Many times they come to us while their worlds are being torn apart by the enemy attacking their husbands, their families and their lives. We are blessed to pray for them and with them; they are open and share their learning and healing experiences on how the Lord is blessing them with lessons on healing either the mind or heart.
There is only one real way to heal and that is through our Lord, Jesus Christ, without him we are learning processes, yes they help but they are not the way to truly heal. Processes help us deal with the trails at hand, but they do not give us comfort, release us from our pain, we can only achieve this by leaving our troubles at the cross.
We sometimes say we are leaving our lives in the Lord’s hand, but we still fight with the flesh thinking we can change thoughts and behaviors of ourselves and others. Only God can do that!
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