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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2009 1:44:37 GMT -7
my husband was totally devestated by my actions, but he refused to talk to anyone about it. i made him an appointment with a counselor yesterday and was able to get him right on in. he told me that he didn't want to go back alone, so i went in too. it was very humiliating to admit to this male counselor that i am an adulteress, but i did. i also had to tell him what led up to my betrayal, which too was extremely embarrassing. by far the hardest part of the session proved to be when my dear husband expressed what was going on in his heart. seeing the pain that i caused him was almost unbearable. the good news is that i could tell that by the end of our session that he was already making a turn for the better. he said that he still loves me and that he will not leave me. the strange part is that i should be happy about that, but there is some part of me that wishes he would physically lash out at me... punish me somehow.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2009 1:52:06 GMT -7
hi there everyone,
i wanted to give y'all an update on how things are going with my family. it has certainly been very difficult since admitting i had an affair to my husband, but i knew it would be before i told him. i really felt like god wanted me to come clean about everything that i have done, even tho it meant he could possibly leave me. not only did i tell him about my recent affair, but i confessed some things that i have done in the past as well.
doing this has proved to be the right thing, even tho it devastated the man i love. to be honest, i am positive that he would have left me had i been caught red handed, but since i repented and confessed my indiscretions, he knows that i am doing so out of a pure desire to be made right with god and follow his will in my life. he said that he loves me and is willing to help me through overcoming my addiction.
as far as my "issues" with sex, it is still a daily battle. i am still m'ing at times, but not as compulsively as before. i do have the desire to "play" online, but have resisted so far. i know that my being on the computer all day at work makes my struggle with this even harder and i am earnestly praying that god will open a door so i will no longer by held captive in front of a computer screen during the week. i know that i need to be strong enough to resist the temptation, but there are certain circumstances where god tells us to run..... and i most def want to run away from the things that have caused me to stumble in the past.
my h told me that he is struggling when we go out because he is constantly looking for a reaction from me to see if the man is there. i hate that i have done this to him, but i know that given time, god will heal his heart. he has already made great improvements since going to counseling.
anyway, please keep on praying for us. this time is hard, but god is good.
sam
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2009 8:18:31 GMT -7
hi there,
well, my life seems a little more manageable of late. the h seems to have put my past indiscretions behind him, however it is obvious that our relationship is different than it was before. our counselor said that our old marriage is dead and our new one is just beginning. he treats me with the same adoration that he did before and i know that he really loves me. i am just in awe that god has given me a man like him, for i certainly do not deserve it.
slowly my masturbation has resumed and i do go back to the affair in my mind at times. i pray those memories will be lessened with time to a point where i no longer desire thinking about it.
i appreciate all the prayers that you guys have done for me. may god bless you all!
sam
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2009 21:10:26 GMT -7
Hi Sam,
Always remember to take everything one day at a time. It will not vanish by simply snapping our fingers. it will take sometime. Just don't give up! God has given you the strenght. Go on with your fight. Stay firmed and always be on tracked.
If the enemy is bugging you with thoughts that are not pleasing before the Lord. Pray, always pray. Rebuke it in the name of Jesus. The enemy has no reason to distract us so rebuke him in the powerful, great and holy name of Jesus. He is our "CRISTOS", our Messiah and Redeemer.
He will never leave you nor forske you.
Praying for you,
Amor
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2009 4:17:17 GMT -7
Have you ever felt so separated from God even after repentenance? Being in God's presence is more self fulfilling than whatever rewards sex can ever contribute. So why did I chase other idols? Like porngraphy. Why do i continue to let Satan control my mind?
Jesus said Man can not have two Masters. Choose who you will serve. God or Satan.
All i know I will do whatever it takes to go to Heaven and not spend eternity in Hell.
Even if it entails to daily crucify sins of flesh.
Rev 21: 7-8
He who overcomes will inherit all this, and i will be his God and he will be my son. But the cowardly, theunbelieing, the vile, the murders, the sexually immoral, those who pratice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-_-their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.This is the second death.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2009 15:12:29 GMT -7
thanks for your responses. just a quick update on my situation.
thank god that my husband still loves me and is committed to helping me with my compulsive behaviors. i do struggle every day with the desire to act out in one form or another, but i find that when i stay offline, i do MUCH better with my sexual addiction. with that in mind, i am cautious to even be on here at the moment, but wanted to touch base with ya'll and let you know that i am still very determined in my desire to break free from the bondage of addiction. god wants me to seek him for satisfaction and i am doing my best to stay on the path he has set my feet on. with his love and mercy, both of which i do not deserve, i will be free. his word promises me that.
god bless you all.
sam
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2009 17:11:26 GMT -7
Hi Sam,
It is good to hear from you, and I am glad to know that you are taking in to account those things which are stumbling blocks. May God continue to bless your journey toward freedom.
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2009 8:19:02 GMT -7
hello my brothers and sisters,
i do hope you are all enjoying this wonderful holiday season. it is a time to reflect on just what an amazing love our Father has for us.
i have been managing to stop my sexually addictive behaviors with other people now that i no longer have to sit in front of a computer all day long. i do still give in to masturbation from time to time, but i much rather save the sex for the times i am with my husband. however, my addictive tendencies are far from being gone. i doubt there will be a time that i see in this life here on earth that i do not desire to "act out" in one form or another. i accept that these feelings may never leave me all together and i am resigned to the fact that no matter where i am at nor what i am being tempted with, God loves me. He wants me to chose Him over all other things in life and He will never leave my side. oh what an awesome God we serve!
i wish you all a very merry Christmas and i pray that we all have a marvelous new year.
many blessings, sam
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2009 12:10:12 GMT -7
Hi Sam,
A blessed Christmas to you as well.
It is good to hear from you, and know that you are experiencing more victory.
Our God, indeed, is awesome!
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2010 0:51:32 GMT -7
boy, this has been a long time! i almost forgot my password. i hope all the ppl i have talked to on here through the years are doing well and experiencing victory. hmm, i suppose since i am here i may as well give an update on my recovery.
several months ago, my hubby and i completely withdrew from our positions in church as we set out to heal our broken marriage. it was so hard since we were involved in so many ministries and felt guilty for abandoning our responsibility, but we knew it was the right thing to do since i was so entangled in sin. to be honest, i am still in awe that my husband didn't leave me for all i had done. it is no less than a miracle and i do not take it for granted. so many times i find myself thinking about how if the shoe was on the other foot and he had cheated on me, would i have taken him back? i like to think that i would have, but i would always have a hard time trusting him. with that in mind, i always tell him where i am going when i am out alone. the weird thing is, he acts like he trusts me. how can he trust me still? why doesn't he treat me with suspicion and anger? not that i want him to, i am simply amazed at the love and grace he gives to me. i know that god is the source of that love and grace.
as far as "acting out", i do still m from time to time and porn is a huge draw. however, my acting out as a whole has dropped significantly. with the success i am experiencing, i am confident that one day the desire to sin sexually will be gone completely. until then, i will keep on fighting the fight.
take care.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2010 3:13:59 GMT -7
Hi Sam,
Thanks so much for the update! I'm glad to hear that healing is progressing. Praise God for forgiving spouses!
God bless, TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2010 17:56:19 GMT -7
hello my borthers and sisters!
just another quick update. i am doing very well. honestly, i don't have the spare time at the moment to act out. and when i do have a spare minute, i can't be bothered with the old things that used to trap me. i find that there is always a load of laundry to wash or something!
the biggest thing i am struggling with at the moment is the desire to be desired (so, basically the same old thing). when i am out in public and i notice a man appreciating my appearance, i get a gigantic rush and i sear the look on the man's face in my brain. then, when i am having sex with my hubby, i fantasize about the man i saw and his reaction to me. i just can't shake the strong desire i have to be attractive to the opposite sex. i purposely pick out clothes that are slightly immodest. nothing that i would be ashamed to wear in church, mind you, but for instance, i used to only wear blouses that started at the base of my neck. now, i wear them that start just above my cleavage. like i said, nothing vulgar, but very different than the old me. the person i was before my addiction emerged.
well, i hope you all are well and experincing God's abundant love and mercy. please pray for me and most importantly, please pray for our country and military!
sam
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2010 5:41:11 GMT -7
Hi Sam,
Thanks for stopping in and updating your thread. I'm glad that things are going pretty well.
Praying... TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2011 5:38:28 GMT -7
man, it has been forever since i have been on here. i hope all my old friends are doing well and are experiencing freedom from the things that seek to enslave them. i am doing very good lately. i stay so busy with other things that i don't have extra time to get online and into trouble. my life has changed so much in the last year and it is just so marvelous how God has delivered me. that isn't to say that i don't still get tempted because i do. the evil one knows my weaknesses and he doesn't hesitate to try and get me to slip up. but i know how blessed i am and i don't want to mess that up.
take care,
sam
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2011 1:22:54 GMT -7
Hi Sam,
Good to hear from you, and glad that all is well.
TruthSeeker
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